


Spying a Way Through

by asrewrites



Series: This One Time [5]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Adult Content, Alternate Universe, Brain Damage, Developing Relationship, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Established Relationship, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Gen, Good Intentions, Intimacy, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Oral Sex, POV Female Character, Past Abuse, Past Brainwashing, Past Relationship(s), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Trauma, Resolved Sexual Tension, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Sex, Trust, Trust Issues, Vaginal Sex, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-22
Updated: 2020-11-16
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:08:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26053990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asrewrites/pseuds/asrewrites
Summary: Bucky's been working on himself for a while now and he's made some decisions about his future.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Reader, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers/Reader
Series: This One Time [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1169678
Comments: 16
Kudos: 13





	1. Making a Decision

It wasn’t easy for Bucky to think straight around her. He was taken over by the feelings he had few names for and almost couldn’t remember having ever felt before. Lust was one. He recognized it’s pulsing feel, but he’d mostly felt it in relation to working or running and it had only existed to him with the idea of being done with an action. Now he felt it for a woman, one divine being who had captured his mind and body completely. He wanted to be hers, to be with her and almost nothing else mattered.

He’d watched while Steve took advantage of her being alone and started talking to her. Bucky knew Steve was concerned but he didn’t appreciate the harsh look on his friend’s face and the way in which he talked to her, as if he had to spit his words out. It made Bucky’s blood boil. His angel just stood there and listened. Actually she did more than that, she talked back to Steve and that impressed Bucky. She had guts, and Steve wasn’t currently used to people not falling in line with what he wanted. He watched as Steve backed down and left.

He was lost in thoughtful admiration when she turned to the window and looked in at him. Bucky noticed that she smiled and waved but his own insecurities ate at him now. Maybe he should let her go, let her be free and happy with someone, anyone else. He was still recovering from his past and the things that had been done to him. Did he have the right to drag someone into his mess before he had finished getting back on even ground? 

He looked at here as dispassionately as he could. She was tired, and it showed in the darkened hollows under her eyes. She was worried too. It was there in her expression and it tugged at his heart even as it scratched at his conscience. He was getting better and he knew that it had happened as fast and well as it had because of her. She was his touchstone. The constant he could rely on. She was never called away and somehow she was always patient with him. He had plenty of doctors and therapists; they even saw one together and had been for months. It helped his team understand his progress and it helped him to see her point of view in matters that were causing friction between them. He’d been blessed with the chance to meet her and to know himself through her eyes in those sessions. People joked that they were in couples therapy and weren’t even a couple, but he didn’t mind that because they were as close as any couple he had met to date.

If he could do anything to make her life easier, better than he would do it. He never wanted to make her life worse and yet he knew that they were at a point where if they went further and he had a setback. If he hurt her or was hurt, if he ended up out of control or shut down it would hurt her and their relationship. He wasn’t sure how to go ahead knowing that truth and also knowing that he wanted to be with his angel more than anything else. He’d go ahead with this relationship because it was more to him than just a dream come true. That didn’t mean he wasn’t terrified of doing something that would break her heart and destroy what they had. He’d been told that that was the change that everyone took when it came to love. Now that he’d found it he wasn’t going to let it go.

He was determined to find some way to show her that he could be reliable and trustworthy. Some way to show everyone that he was and that there was no reason for them to worry or fear for her. Or to fear him. For a while, he had thought that he was doing that with the doctors and therapists. That by going and letting the various specialists examine him in every imaginable way, letting them question him to the point of extreme harassment and undergoing all manner of conditioning and training to demonstrate his abilities and limitations. He didn’t know why that hadn’t been enough for the team when it had certainly been more than enough for his angel. She was accepting and delightfully optimistic about him. Always there with some kindness when something had happened to throw him off or to comfort some injury. He wouldn’t be lost without her but he’d certainly be a much colder and closed off person. 

She would be there with open arms and something comforting after this recent round of testing was done. She’d make him forget about the poking and prodding, the too-tight grips and flashes of fear in the eyes of some of the people working with him. She’d be there with him and for him if he needed something or someone to talk to. She had never taken offence at his moods and that had been new and welcome at first, then perplexing and finally something that had made him decide to try to explain himself to her. He’d never had that desire to so do that with anyone else, not even Steve. Steve was pushier about his concern. Still firmly living in the 40s and clinging hard to the idea that to get up and get back into it was the best damn thing that a man could do. Steve might never be willing to admit he was tired of the endless cycle of war and cruelty in the world, but Bucky was tired of it. 

It suddenly crossed his mind that maybe Steve didn't want him to stop fighting because then Steve would have to look at why he was still fighting. The truth is for Steve he’d been a memory driving on the need to prove himself good ad capable. His ‘death’ had given Steve a set of proverbial footsteps to follow in for soldiering, and he was fairly certain that Steve would never have stopped until he too died. But then Bucky had come back and Steve had to look at his reasons to continue to fight, something he really didn’t want to do, They’d talked about it and Steve had been candid about being at a loss as to what he wanted in life. He’d had simple goals to achieve all his life. First, it was to join the army and Erskine had helped him do it. Then it’d become to honour Bucky, only slightly altered but the plane crash, his defrosting and the subsequent finding that Bucky was alive if not mentally aware of himself. Now Steve had achieved the goals he set and had no idea what he should want when there were so many telling him what he could do. 

Steve had a young woman in his life too, one who was active in the intelligence community and kept him interested in the role that seemed to have been assigned to him the day he was revived. Bucky wasn’t in the same position, the benefits of being seen as unstable and potentially a threat. He was pushed to prove he wasn’t a ticking time bomb sure, but otherwise, they pretty much left him alone because they didn’t trust him. He couldn’t blame them but also didn’t have to feel totally accepting of their mistrust. He was a man in the shadows, to them and himself. No one knew enough about him and what he might do to feel comfortable with putting him to work with the team, including himself. Maybe that was his only saving grace right now, that lack of trust.

Staying out of the fray meant that he had more than enough time to be with the woman who was foremost in his mind, the one he couldn't keep his eyes or mind off of. He needed to do something to let her know that, sooner than later. He had a feeling that time was running out for him to take that step. He was going to take her in his arms and tell her the truth once and for all.


	2. The First Step

It was sometime later when Bucky was cleared to go. Steve hadn’t returned and no one else had stopped to talk to me. I just stood and watched them test him. When he came out into the hall he stopped in the doorway. Without looking at me he said. “I’m a simple man angel. I don’t need much and I don’t believe I deserve anything, and certainly nothing as wonderful as you.”

“Bucky,” I said in a panicked voice. He looked at me then, his features distorted by his emotions. He took a deep breath and stepped towards me, taking my hands.

“Ssssshhh angel. I just need you to know the truth. That truth is I don’t want to let you get away. I want to keep you as close as I can get you. I want you to ruin me for anyone else and I want you to believe with all your heart that no matter what happens to me, to us, that I will be the happiest man alive if I get to spend just one more second with you.” He squeezed one hand he’d taken in his and cupped my cheek with the other hand as he stared deep into my eyes. I was sure that my heart had stopped beating in my chest and just gone and run away with his. 

“Bucky, are you certain that you weren’t secretly a romance writer all this time?” I smiled a bit as I tried to fight the tears that threatened to fall. No one in my life had said anything so wonderful or scary to me. It was as if Bucky was reading the words hidden in my heart, telling me a truth that my body had whispered to his in the dark. I recognized those words, that truth and it changed me from someone who was alone to someone who was part of something; which could be so beautiful or destructive. Either way, I would never be the same. Bucky watched me and smiled shyly at my quip.

“I’m was never a romantic, doll. If anything I was a cad in my day. That changed for a bit and then I met you. Now maybe I’m an old romantic, dying for the chance at a happy ending that until four months ago, I was certain that I’d never have. I guess what I am asking for is the chance to get to know you, to spend time with you. What do you say doll? Can I interest you in an old man, with a horrible past and a lot of mileage?”

“Funnily enough, I am very interested. Bucky, I’d be honoured to get to know you. I can’t promise that I’ll be able to keep my hands off of you, no matter your age, you are a damn fine-looking man.”

“Angel,” he said as he moved closer to me. He pulled me into his arms and kissed me. “I’m going to make sure that you get used to being adored. I’m going to spoil you and show you everything a woman like you deserves.”

His lips took mine again and our breaths quickened. We remembered that we weren’t alone and broke apart. We went quickly to the elevator and decided that the best course of action was to check on the common room damage from the night before. He’d told Steve he’d be back to help clean up, and Bucky was pretty adamant that keeping his word was the most important thing he could do right that second. As the door opened to the Avengers’ floor he leaned in and whispered to me, “This way when we’re alone there will be no reason for anyone to disturb us.”

His words and the feel of his hot breath as it fanned down my neck sent goosebumps across my skin and I shivered in anticipation. I couldn’t wait to get this man alone.


	3. Going All the Way

Bucky took my hand and lead me to our rooms. He opened the door and pulled me inside. He spun me around and I heard the door close as he wrapped himself around me and his lips crashed into mine. His kiss was hungry and I felt the same. I pulled his hair, trying to get him closer, he sighed and I slid my tongue into his mouth and felt him shudder when his tongue touched mine. He held me tighter and lifted me slightly as he stepped forward; he tried to lead us to the bedroom in the dark. We were both distracted and split apart only when I hit the door frame and complained a bit about how I hurt my hip. Bucky took that as a sign, and he bent and then rose as he folded me over his shoulder and took me straight to the bed. I gasped as I fell to the mattress, his warmth and weight followed closely and we were again wrapped up in each other in seconds.

Bucky moved over me, his weight reassured me that I wouldn’t float away. My body responded to his in ways I hadn’t known possible. I felt as if we were melding together into one thought and purpose, even as our hands went in different directions. His hands strayed down to my hips, pulling at my jeans then pushing up and under my shirt. My hands traced his shoulders, one went up and grabbed his hair as the other traced his back to the hem of his shirt and tugged it upwards too. He growled when my fingernails scraped his back and pushed me deeper into the mattress. His kiss was frantic and so heated, I lost my breath. I pushed at him, his weight suddenly too much and my lungs screaming.

“Bucky squish…” I’d barely said and then we moved. He effortlessly repositioned us so I was on top and straddling his waist, his shirt was off and mine went next. His lips chased mine as I gulped air. He sucked and nipped at my top and then the bottom lip before I pulled him into a filthy lip lock and ground myself into his hips. He lost his breath then and I teased his lips as he had mine while he recovered. My senses were consumed by the smell, taste and feel of him. I was sure I would never tire of his little sounds, the feel of his skin on mine, his lips, his taste and his weight were taking me deeper into bliss.

Bucky sat up, which moved me back. In the dark I couldn’t see his face but I could feel his breath across my skin which gave me a good idea of where he was. His hands found my bra and traced the lace from back to front; he skimmed over the tops of my breasts before he delicately palmed my breasts as he sighed and whispered, “Divine.” He moved his hands in a gentle squeeze and my nipples hardened at the attention. 

Leaning into his touch I found his neck and kissed him there. He slid his hands back along the material of my bra and undid it. He followed the straps up to my shoulders and pulled them off of me before fondling my breasts again. I sat up straight as he put his mouth to one breast and sucked lightly before finding the nipple and rolling it between his tongue and teeth. I sighed and rolled my hips so that I moved forward into him and his erection made itself known as he moved his hips towards mine. A wave of desire flooded me and I was certain that if Bucky put his hand in my pants at that moment it would come away wet. He moved his attention to the other breast and I felt the slickness increase between my legs. If he kept this up I would soak my pants and his. I moaned at the thought and I felt him smile as he suckled my nipple.

I pushed him down on the bed, desperate to do something to get him to moan for me. I nibbled along his neck and collar bone as his hands ran along my back and sides. His breath quickened and got harsh as I found his nipple and plied it as he had mine. His fingers gripped me tighter as I sucked and nipped from one side to the other. He seemed to be trying to hold back his noises but I was too greedy for that and worked harder to get him to moan. He finally did when I rocked against his erection as I moved up and took his earlobe into my mouth and gave it the same treatment as I had his nipples before. He panted and moaned again before he flipped me back down onto the bed and dragged my pants and underwear off. I heard him struggling with his pants and then he was back, totally naked as he pressed himself between my legs. I brought my legs up and hooked my ankles around his back. I rubbed shamelessly against him. He felt so good; warm, hard, thick and heavy along my lower lips as I teased him with my wetness and warmth. He grunted, shook and then he lightly bit down on my shoulder and moaned at my actions. I dug my nails into his back and scratched down to his ass. I grabbed his round firm butt cheeks and pulled him towards me. He whined and pushed up.

“Angel, are you sure? I –I,” he whimpered and I put my hands on his face. I dragged his face towards mine and kissed his nose first, then I found his lips.

“I want you Bucky, I ache for you. Will you be mine?” I confessed.

“Yes angel, I’m yours. I’m so yours. All yours.” Bucky murmured and he kissed me hard. We rubbed against one another in a frenzy of lust until he lined himself up and pushed into my dripping cunt. I gasped and held onto him as my heart battered my ribs and my body quivered with the full, firm stretch of him. He paused too, held his breath and waited as we both got used to the feel of him fully inside of me. He held me so close, his heart hammered in time with mine as he kissed me lazily. I hummed as he stroked my face and I moved against him which caused him to buck against me. I moaned his name as he started to pump in and out of me. He started slow, his lips sealed to mine. We broke apart as he moved faster and harder, I bit along his neck and he growled at me. The growls excited me and I clawed at his back and ass, which spurred him into faster action. 

“Oh Bucky.” I managed as I moved my pelvis to give my clit more friction. He huffed and chuckled as he moved up which moved me up a bit too, and changed the angle he entered me at. Suddenly I was shaking with the intensity of our actions. He slowed and I groaned and pressed urgently against him. He took my encouragement and resumed his pace. Each stroke hit my g-spot and made me shake more, I moaned and sighed and tried to match his moves to increase the intensity of the orgasm that bubbled inside me.

Bucky moaned and sighed as we worked together. In the dark everything seemed more urgent. Every feeling seemed more intense, every touch more exciting than the last. His hands were rough and large but moved like silk across my skin. His body warmed and ignited mine in a shared passion that consumed us both. I wondered just briefly how he looked now and then he would do something that showed me his thoughts or feelings, as that thought would vanish into the ether. There was no time, just us and the heat we generated. Our bodies were slicked with sweat and desperation. The need for release pounded through me and started to crest as his cock stroked in and out of me. I felt my muscles clenching with need and then I arched into him as my orgasm broke.

He lifted me up then, as he sat back on his heels. He held me tightly but I couldn't stop moving on him. Our lips remained together, we muffled each other’s moans and whimpers as we maintained that sweet kiss. As wonderful as I felt, the more I moved the better everything was, the further my orgasm went. Bucky started to shake, he whined into my mouth and I decided that I didn't care if he wanted to hold back and make it last for me; I wanted him to cum for me right now. I snaked my hands down and squeezed his ass and he jolted up as I pressed my hips down. I dragged my nails up his back and slipped them into his hair. I gave it a tug and he jerked up into me and moaned low. I could feel his release and I smiled against his mouth as we came down from our highs. Our ragged breaths mixed and warmed our faces as the lip lock broke and we rested our foreheads together and stilled in our embrace.

Bucky’s breath changed and he folded us towards the mattress. He moved my leg so that he wouldn’t pin it down beneath him, and the movement caused him to slip out of me. I whined at the loss of him and he settled us down wrapping himself around me. He kept me close as he kissed me tenderly. Our bodies cooled, the sweat from our passion made goose bumps rise on my skin, or maybe that was just the effect of Bucky’s metal hand passing by. I broke away from his lips and kissed along his jaw and neck. I nipped him a few times and earned a low chuckle in response. He nuzzled his face to my neck and bit me lightly back. I shivered and moaned at the feeling of his teeth going for another nip and he squeezed me tightly as he panted, “Please.”

I wasn’t sure what he was asking for but moved my head slightly and his lips found mine for a scorching kiss. We hummed in contentment as the kiss deepened and we somehow got closer together. Bucky was warm and his presence a solid reminder that I was not alone or dreaming. I smiled into his lips and breathed his name as I combed my fingers through his hair. His mouth surged over mine and I trembled at the intensity of his passion. His tongue ravaged mine and settled into a rhythm, slowing its pace as he relaxed into the moment. Whenever we paused for air he would kiss along my neck until I was ready, then he would say please before he kissed me again. It was an unusual and alluring dance. I accepted each request without hesitation as I wanted him to continue to touch me, to taste me and be with me for as long as he wanted. 

Eventually my bladder screamed for relief so I gently pushed away from one of our lip locks. “Bathroom.” I explained as I rose from the bed and stopped short, not knowing where I was in the dark. I felt Bucky behind me and he led me to the bathroom putting my hand on the light switch and letting me decide if I would blind us both or just myself by putting my other hand on the door as he stepped away. I stepped inside then pushed the door close to the frame and flicked on the lights. I looked rumpled and had love bites to worry about but I smiled at myself as I set to letting my bladder lose it’s load. When I finished, washed up and flicked out the lights. I waited for a second and pulled the door open before I stepped back into the room. Bucky’s hand took mine and he quickly led me back to the bed. Now the sheets were pulled back and I crawled in as Bucky stood by, I thought. 

“My turn,” I heard him say as he went into the bathroom. The light snapped on and let me see him for a brief second, in all his naked glory. He had a fine firm ass I mused as the door closed and I got comfortable in the bed. Bucky was right, this bed was a smaller bed than mine. I heard him flush and wash his hands, he pulled the door open and I saw another flash of his marvellous body before he turned out the lights. I heard him chuckled as he came back to the bed. I felt him get in and he rolled over to me and pulled me close. I ran a finger over his chest and kissed him lightly. He sighed and stroked my hair as I kept layering his skin in affection. I felt his heart as it sped up and the heat arose between us again.

Bucky groaned and pulled away from me, “I want to be gentle angel, but I’m not sure I can be. God, it’s been so long for me, and you are such a temptation. So sweet, so intoxicating.” He stoked his hands across my body to emphasise his words and he placed a kiss on my skin between each word and my head spun with desire. “I’m wild for you doll, out of control. I want to fuck you until neither one of us can move and hear you scream my name. But I don’t want to hurt you and I’m not sure if I can keep that from happening.”

The worry in his tone stung, but I understood. Desire was powerful and it took my attention to places that weren’t always about the safety of myself and others. I reached out and caressed his cheek, bringing his face back to mine. “I understand Bucky. If it’s too much I’ll say Sparta, and you’ll ease up ok?”

“Sparta?”

“Yes,” I breathed and added as I pulled him in for a deep kiss, “You can say it too, if I’m being too rough.”


	4. Wrapped Up In the Moment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the next morning coming from 3 POVs

The night went by in a flurry of kisses and orgasms. I had never felt so close to someone and Bucky said he felt the same. Between giggles and sighs we exhausted each other in the best possible ways. When I woke up I stretched, finding I wasn’t that stiff but here were some tender areas that I’d have to be mindful of. There was some light coming in under the curtains now, and I when I turned I could see Bucky as he slept beside me. He looked peaceful and so young. I reached out and stroked his cheek, his skin was warm and he smiled slightly at my touch.

I looked at him a little longer before I closed my eyes, intending to revel in this private moment a bit longer before getting up for food or anything else. I had started casually running through a little list of things I had to get done, what I could put off and what Bucky might be interested in helping with and had just about slipped back into sleep when I heard a noise, and then talking. It took me a second to realize that someone had walked into the apartment and was coming towards us. Whoever it was was talking to themselves and I recognised the voice as the person stepped into the room. I found myself sitting up and looking at Steve.

Steve jerked back and bumped into the door when he saw me. I put my finger to my lips to tell him to be quiet and looked to the still sleeping Bucky. I hoped that he would take the hint and not freak out. He looked confused then let out a breath and turned back into the other room. I got up and pulled on the first shirt I found, it was Bucky’s and much too big, but I wanted Steve to leave without waking Bucky and I was sure that he wouldn’t go until someone talked to him. I made sure Bucky was still asleep and then walked quietly into the other room, closing the bedroom door behind me.

*****Steve’s POV**

I hadn’t been thinking anything other then if Bucky was in his room things would be alright between us. I’d had this feeling for hours after the fight that something was wrong. If he’d deserted the place ten that meant he no longer felt comfortable with the team and I, and that was something that I didn’t want to face. I knew he’d been living with her in her apartment, on a separate floor but I hadn’t expected to come face to face with anyone but Bucky. It never crossed my mind that I would walk into his room and find her there, glaring at me that way. It made me feel small and bad, especially after she put her finger to her lips and motioned to the sleeping figure of Bucky beside her. I was upset that she was there, slightly offended that she was upset, and more then a little ashamed that it hadn’t crossed my mind that Bucky would want to keep her closer to him.

I left the room and waited by the couch. I could hear her moving around and the sound of Bucky’s steady breathing. She came out into the room and looked slightly flustered. She moved across the room and stood closer to the door, father from where Bucky was in an effort to keep him from hearing us. She looked up at me and waited to see what I was going to say or do. I smiled at her and tried not to let the discomfort and sadness I felt show.

“Steve?” she asked and went put a hand on my forearm.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t expecting there to be anyone but him in there,” I said as I moved out of reach with a slight turn.  
  


“You came to Bucky’s room thinking what? That he was gone?”

“I was hoping he was here,” I sighed, “I thought if he was here that meant that what happened the other day hadn’t chased him away from the team, from me.”

“Steve, he’s ok. He just needs some proper sleep and some time to think about things. I don’t think he’s running away from you or the team anytime soon.”

“Not as long as you’re here.” I mumbled under my breath, but the look on her face told me that she’d heard me loud and clear. She seemed to deflate and stepped back from me. She wore Bucky’s shirt, the one he’d worn the day before. It was too big on her, and it didn’t cover the marks on her neck. It made me sad and angry to see them, even though I’d let her go years before. I struggled with wanting to yell at her and with wanting to beat myself up for being so selfish. I couldn’t keep her to myself, she was her own person and could make her own decisions; but it hurt in a strange way to see her with Bucky. Like somehow part of my world had escaped and became his.

She watched me as I thought about this. Her face neutral and tired. She shifted and brushed a hand through her hair, “Steve. I don’t know what you’re expecting from me.”

“Do you love him?”

“It’s too early to say. Besides he’s the one I would tell first, not you.”

“Did you love me?”

“Maybe, for a little while. I haven’t for a long time though.,” she said and sighed. “Too much time went by, you left me behind and moved on with Sharon remember? She’s a lovely woman and she really cares about you. Don’t do this to yourself, or her Steve,” she spoke slowly and looked at me with a cautious gaze.

“I’m torn about this. I don’t want either of you to get hurt, and I know he could physically hurt you.” I ran a hand over my face and wrapped it around the back of my neck and rubbed at the tension there. She stepped towards me and lowered her voice.

“I know that too Steve. I trusted you not to hurt me. I trust him not to hurt me. That’s part of being with another person, trusting that they won’t do the things that they could do to hurt you. That’s why it’s so hard when the trust is broken.”

“Sweetheart.” I said and reached towards her.

“Don’t Steve, please.” She said taking my hand. “I wasn’t talking about us, just about relationships in general. If there was anything specific to us I would tell you.” She dropped my hand and stepped away before she continued, “I want you to be happy Steve. I think you should focus on Sharon and Bucky and I will sort this out. I’m not trying to take him away from you and I’m sure that he doesn’t want to leave you. You’re his family, and maybe if I’m lucky, I’ll get to be that too.”

“You deserve to be happy sweetheart.” I said and she smiled at me. “You are part of my family, that’s why I want to keep you safe.”

“I know that Steve,” she started, gave me a sceptical look and continued with, “Can you promise that you’ll keep yourself safe for me? I know you Steve, I know that you’re kind and dedicated but you’re reckless with yourself. You’d do anything for anyone you love, including die and that’s probably the worst thing your loved ones can think of. I’m not going to promise you that I won’t be reckless with my heart because, after the fact and from the outside, things always look different then when you are in the middle of it. But I can promise to respect you and do my best to be happy. Can you promise me that in return?”

I stood there blinking at her. She always made so much sense and yet she never made me feel bad for what I did, or that I was overstepping or being unkind. She helped me see my behaviour and then let me apologise. That’s all I needed from her now. To apologise and be forgiven. “I’m sorry sweetheart. I’m just worried, I can’t help that. You’re important to me too.”

“I know Steve,” she said and stepped into me, slid her arms around my waist and hugged me. “I forgive you. Do you forgive me?”

“I do. I always will.”

*****Bucky’s POV**

I woke up hearing voices. I heard the door open and close and then she came back into the room. I saw her pull off the shirt she’d been wearing. It barley registered that it was my shirt before I saw her naked body as she got back into bed with me. I hadn’t seen her fully in the dark last night, but by god she was incredible. The want of her washed over me as she moved closer and I pulled her to me, cupped her body with mine, my front to her back. I was overwhelmed by the feel of her softness against me. She hummed a happy noise and moved her ass against my cock and I growled and nipped her neck.

“Good morning,” she teased as she reached her hand back and grabbed my ass. She pressed back against me and I folded an arm over her chest to pull her even closer as I ran my other hand down between her legs. I forgot that there had been anyone else in the rooms for the moment as she sighed and spread her legs by moving one up and back over mine. I kissed up her neck and she turned her head as I got to her jaw. “James,” she breathed and I captured her lips as my fingers found her clit and started to rub.

She was warm, wonderful and delicious. She was all mine and I was going to make her feel as good as she made me feel. I moved my hips and dragged my cock into position along her growing wetness. She moaned and writhed against me. I slid inside her slowly and she arched back and whimpered into my mouth. She felt so good and I felt my heart quicken and my body flush with desire as we joined together. I was fully inside her and I was certain that she’d been made just for me. The way we fit together, hand in hand, arm in arm, lips to lips, everything was so perfect and enticing. I felt like I had been starving and was just now getting a sample of all the wonderful things I’d missed. Not too much mind you, just enough that I had to have more.

Her heart raced and her breath came faster as I moved. She got slicker by the second, and I found the wetness that made it’s way from her to me incredibly erotic. I moved against her fluidly, slowly at first then faster as the sex took hold of us and my orgasm started to build. Her movements matched mine and intensified the feelings that we created. I had no memories of sex ever feeling like this. I was on fire, I wanted her so much that I couldn't think straight and I found my body seemed to move of it’s own accord with hers. He scent and her sounds turned on some hidden part of me that understood how to touch her, how to enjoy her and excite her into the bliss I wanted to give her so badly I ached. I was glad that some wild part of me knew these things and could take over when my mind was unsure of what I was going to do next.

She stared to pant and ground against me, my fingers still rubbed her clit as I slid in and out of her as fast as the position allowed. God she was good, her body welcomed mine and tightened in the best possible ways as the urgency of her orgasm built. Mine wasn’t far behind, but hers was far more important. She deserved to feel wanted, appreciated and taken care of in all ways. This was a small but important thing that I was able to do, and from her sounds I was good at making her feel good. She said “Uh huh.” over and over, then it was “Oh James.” as her voice climbed higher and higher. I felt her cunt clench on my cock and I groaned out her name as her orgasm pulled mine from me. We shuddered and pressed together in our release, our breaths slowed as we relaxed from the surge of pleasure.

I moved my fingers from her clit and hoped that I hadn’t over stimulated her. I moved her leg down and covered her with mine tucking the blankets around us. I held her as tightly as I could and still allow her to breathe. She struggled to turn towards me and I grudgingly let her move away and come back. I looked deep into her eyes as she wrapped herself around me and smiled. The contact and her smile made me feel ridiculously happy. I was in awe of her, how she captivated me and how I craved her. The way she lit up my life by just looking at me. I knew I was falling hard, and that Steve and the others would think that this was a bad thing to do. They wouldn't understand the need I had for someone in my life. Someone who knew me, cared for me and was there to come back to.

I’d been nothing but a soldier for so long that a team, a commander, that kind of camaraderie was not that important to me any longer. It was too ingrained in me that people who went out with you didn't always come back. It wasn’t that I wouldn’t feel the loss, it was that I had learned it was inevitable and a part of me locked the people I worked with away so that when they were gone it wasn’t so bad. That was second nature now and it comforted me that I could stay detached.

Yet I wanted to be attached to someone, I needed to find a reason to come back, to stay in the world. With her I’d found that reason. I knew Steve wouldn't be happy to know that he wasn’t enough. Yes, he was family, but he couldn’t be the only person in my world. For all the good things Steve meant to me there were so many bad things that were attached to him now too. I needed more family, more friends and more connections. Everyone he had made me see, every doctor and psychiatrist, shaman and counsellor said the same thing. I needed connections, new people as well as the old. My angel was new, she was pure and mine alone. There was nothing dark associated with her, and I was certain that there never would be as I lay there and looked at her in the morning light.

Steve would always be my friend, would always be my family, but my anchor was this woman and I wanted her to know that she meant that much to me. Before I could even open my mouth she had cupped my face and kissed me tenderly. She ran her fingers through my hair and whispered, “I know James. I’m here for you, no matter what. Don’t ever doubt that.”

She kissed me again and I pulled her as close as I could get her and breathed in her scent as I kissed her neck and ear. She giggled and squirmed against me before she sucked my earlobe into her mouth and made me moan at the way she worked it with her tongue. I moaned again for her and she moved back to look at me. “Good morning James. We should probably get something to eat, don’t you think?”

“I think I can survive on you alone for eternity angel.”

She smiled at me and blushed ever so slightly. I felt the heat as it moved across her skin, then she said, “James you are probably the most charming man I’ve ever met, but I have no interest in becoming a cannibal anytime soon so I’m going for food with or without you.”

I chuckled at her remark and the very serious look on her face. She suddenly smiled and kissed my nose. “Let’s go. The day’s a wasting.” She rolled out of bed and headed into the bathroom. When she came out I got to watch her move around the room completely naked as she gathered up her clothes and made a little show of putting them back on before she stopped and raised her eyebrow at me. I got up and went over to her, tilted her head up and kissed her softly and for a good long while. She held onto my hips and then ran her hands up to my shoulders before we broke apart. I smiled and got dressed, giving her a little show in return for hers. She watched and even wolf whistled at me. Once I was dressed I went into the bathroom and finished getting ready, then came out and took her hand and we went out to see what there was to eat.


	5. Angel of Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your relationship settles into a familiar groove. 
> 
> [this is the end I have run out of steam but it's been fun!}

Bucky led me straight out of the apartment and up to Avengers common room, where the kitchen and pretty much everything else that one would need in an apartment, besides a bed, was housed. The Avengers floor had always reminded mea dorm, and that was nice in a way. People could spend time together and relax together as a matter of course because the choice not to was removed. Tony had done that by design, how else was he to get a group of people with nothing much in common to spend time together. The rooms on the floor had only beds and bathrooms. Bucky’d had a tv stand in his room but no tv, just books. He didn't have a laptop of his own either, he’d used one that was locked in a shared cupboard in the common room. He’d used mine once in a while since he’d moved in but he really didn’t like the device much. He wasn’t terribly attached to the wonders of being online yet, and had told me he hadn’t replaced his phone yet because he liked being unreachable.

Bucky liked being reached by me though. He chased my touch. He couldn't seem to get enough. He followed me everywhere and either held my hand, had a hand on my knee, thigh, arm, shoulder or his leg touched mine at my thigh or my ankle. He often didn’t appear aware of what he was doing until I moved or covered his hand with mine. I knew that he sought comfort in touch, and it just happened to be my touch. The team had noticed when it started and I was sure they would have something to say about it when people saw more of the two of you. Bucky spent his days doing whatever was required; meetings, training, counselling, planning. He didn’t always tell me and I’d stopped asking after a while, since he seemed uncomfortable talking about it. He’d tell me stories though, little anecdotes about what people said or did that amused or confused him. It was nice and it made me feel included in his days.

After our night together, Bucky had insisted that we slow down. He didn’t want me to think we were breaking up. He wasn’t leaving me or the tower he, he just felt that dating was an important part of a budding Relationship, and he wanted to date me. Our dates didn’t usually involve leaving the tower and mostly happened in the common room on one floor or another, but they happened. There were dinners, dancing, movies and so much making out that heavy petting and dry humping became your main desserts. At the end of each and every one, Bucky would walk me back to my bedroom door and leave me there with a kiss. I wanted more but wouldn't push him. About a week into our new routine, he came to my door at midnight. He didn’t want to be alone. I cuddled with him and we talked until he fell asleep. He came back the next two nights, knocking softly and looking worried. The fourth night I told him to just let himself in and afterward the nights started to form a comfortable pattern of Bucky finding his way to my bed and holding me close until the alarm started our day.

I’d known that Bucky didn’t always sleep through the night. As a light sleeper I knew when he’d get out of bed, and now I’d wake when his nightmares started to make him toss and turn. My awareness kept him from getting too far into the nightmares and made it easier for him to wake up and relax back to sleep. On the nights that he didn’t sleep well because his mind wouldn’t shut off, he sometimes would get out of bed; but once he knew that that woke me he started to stay in bed and watch me sleep instead. Sometimes that simple act had him falling asleep and sometimes I woke up to find a bleary eyed Bucky smiling at me as he stroked my hair. As the weeks went on the two of us got closer, the dates started to happen more and more in our apartment and Bucky started to sleep better. The sex though, hadn’t returned.

After all that time, I ‘d become frustrated and needy beyond belief. I was certain that Bucky was too, though he said he had no desire to change anything as he enjoyed our time together just as it was. He still touched me often when we were outside of the apartment, but inside he was less tactile and eventually our dates had started to seem to me to have taken on a distant quality. We’d started to play board games which forced us to be physically separated to play without cheating. I had started to plan on upping the ante by suggesting strip poker or twister as I sat in my office/massage room one day. I had gotten a bit desperate to get some closeness going between Bucky and I. Then Tony walked in.

“Hi Tony, long time no see,” I greeted and offered him a seat.

“”Hello darling, I was hoping that you would be in.”

I snickered at that. This was one of Tony’s buildings, he knew exactly where everyone was in them at all times through the AI. “What can I do for you?”

“You’ve worked wonders with Barnes. No really I’m impressed.” he said in reaction to my look. “He’s happy and talkative. He’s a different man from what I’d previously seen. Even Steve is different now that his friend is back.”

“It’s got very little to do with me, Bucky’s doing all the work.”

“Barnes disagrees, adamantly. He insists that it his recovery is all because of you. He’s got everyone convinced that you are a miracle worker and honestly the team needs a little miracle work right now. After the Accords and the bad blood we need to find a way to spend time together and relax with one another. That’s what brings me here actually.”

“I don’t really do team building exercises Tony, that’s not my field.”

“Oh I know that. I also know that meditation is one of your fields. I was thinking that you could run a few meditation/relaxation classes on the Avenger’s floor after dinners or lunches or something. If we like them we’d do more, if not, no harm no foul and we tried something new.”

“I can definitely do that Tony. That kind of class is about an hour long, does that sound alright or should I work on something less time consuming?”

“An hour is fine. Can we start this tonight?”

“Tonight? Tony that’s really short notice. I haven’t even looked at the space that’s available.”

“I’ve had the pool table moved out and the mats put down on the far side of the common room. You can have F.R.I.D.A.Y. route whatever music you’d like through the sound system and we will all be there at?” He looked to me, waiting for my decision on the time.

“Fine, 6:30. I want to be done and home by 8.”

“We’ll see you then!’ He said as he spun on his heel and left the room. I checked my calendar and smiled, I had a few hours from the end of my last class to the start of the one Tony’d asked for. I could get back to the tower and eat then prepare.

The rest of the day flew by and I got back to our apartment in the tower on time. I was cooking up a nice quick dinner when there was a knock at the door. I turned the heat off and moved the food to the other side of the stove before I went and pulled the door open to find Steve standing there. He looked harried and didn’t wait to be asked, just pushed inside.

“Hi Steve. Come on in Steve. What’re you doing here Steve,” I snarked as he turned to face me again.

“What’s going on with you and Bucky?”

“I don’t see that’s any of your business, Steve.”

“I know he’s sleeping better, those dark shadows under his eyes are pretty much gone, but he’s edgy and annoyed lately. Are you two fighting?”

“No, we’re fine. I’d love to say I have even the slightest idea of what you are talking about, but I don’t.”

“Then what’s his problem?”

“You shouldn’t be here Steve,” came Bucky’s voice, low and mean from behind me. Steve looked ashamed and I turned to look at Bucky who closed the door he had just come through and went to the stove to put the food on plates. He then brought one over to me and kissed my forehead with a shy smile before he turned to Steve again.

“Bucky,” Steve tried but Bucky gave him a dark look and Steve stopped cold.

“Have your dinner angel, I’m going to talk to Steve in the hall,” Bucky said evenly as he walked me to the couch and made sure I was comfortable. He motioned Steve out the door ahead of him and looked back to make sure I wasn’t following. I was concerned, but I also knew Steve had a habit of pushing into Bucky’s life when he shouldn’t. The two of them had boundary issues that I’d suggested they talk to someone about; but I wasn’t going to get in between them. The conversation got loud enough for me to hear quickly.

“Steve what the hell? I told you a million times that there’s nothing going on. You need to stay out of my private life.”

“I used to know all about your private life. Now you barely talk to me.”

“It’s not your business what she and I do. You have Sharon in your life. You should be concerned about her”

“We talk about Sharon. We used to talk about your relationship too.”

“I never fucked Sharon, so it’s different with me and her. I can’t talk to you about us without you knowing things that you shouldn’t know.”

“Bucky. Man. It’s not like that.”

“You told me yourself. You said that you two were together. But you waited until after I’d been with her to tell me the bit about you and her having amazing sex, But. You. Did. Tell. Me. And now I can’t un-know that. I can’t ignore that anything we may do, you two probably already did.”

“Bucky don’t do this. She’s with you not me. I’m not jealous I’m happy for the both of you. I’m not worried that you’re with her now, I don’t want her back. I want you to have everything you deserve and I know she makes you happy. I know you care for her. I never meant to make you think we’re in some kinda competition. It’s obvious to me, to everyone, that she loves you. She would do anything for you. Just talk to me. Tell me what I can do as your friend to make this right.”

I’d eaten my food quickly and snuck my plate into the sink. Then I crept to the door in an effort to hear the quieting conversation, then decided that the better thing to do would be to just get them inside again. I opened the door and they jumped like scalded cats.

“Why don’t you two come back inside before you draw a crowd?”

Bucky and Steve looked embarrassed as they nodded their heads. They shuffled past me and into the living area. Bucky sat on what had become his side of the couch and Steve stood there looking lost. We could all fit on the couch, but it would be tight. I decided that the best thing to do here would be to sandwich myself between the two men in the interest of convenience. I sat down close to Bucky, who looked at me questioningly until I motioned to Steve. He sat down on the other side and I took each man’s hand.

“I appreciate that you two worry about each other. I understand that there are somethings that are harder for you to talk about because of me. I’m sorry for that, I really am. However you may or may not know that Tony wants everyone in the common room tonight at 6:30 for a meditation and relaxation class. So, in the interest of cutting this short, can you two put this aside and we’ll all get ready for class which is in like 20 minutes?”

The men just stared at me as I looked from one to the other. Bucky had a glint in his eye and he nodded yes first while Steve just shrugged and then said “Sure.”

Steve got up to leave and Bucky pulled me close. He stared into my eyes for a moment then whispered, “You’re remarkable.”

“Thanks, so are you. Now we’d better hustle.” I said as I kissed him quickly.

We got changed and headed off to the Avenger’s common room. Tony had a selection of mats for people and even Thor was there. He smiled wide and picked me up with a crushing hug before he let me back down. I said hello to everyone and rolled out my mat at the front of the group. Bucky put his to the side and a little bit lower than mine. He always wanted to be close to me and I didn’t have an issue with that, neither did anyone else it seemed; or if they did, they chose not to say. I walked them through the entire routine in an hour, the energy in the room went from tense to relaxed and that was all I could ask for. Everyone smiled and chatted happily, even Bucky and Steve seemed to have made up with each other and were talking after the session.

I watched them for a while before I decided that I wasn’t going to intrude on their reconciliation and I headed out. I went straight to the shower to cool off. Watching Bucky do those stretches had reminded me how long it had been since I had seen and felt his body, his naked body, on mine. I knew he wanted to slow things down, for us to get to really know one another and date like people used to; but I missed the sex. More than that I was missing the physical closeness, the skin on skin contact that made me feel so very connected to him. I got out of the shower and wrapped myself in a robe. I stretched out on the bed with a book and started to read. I figured it might be a while before Bucky would wander in. Especially with Thor around.

I hadn’t been wrong. Bucky came in about three hours later. He smelled of beer and bad decisions, also known as Thor’s mead. He smiled at me as he made his way into the bathroom and started the shower. Even though the book was amazing, I was now totally focused on the idea of Bucky being naked and wet in the shower. I remembered the first time I had stripped him and soaped him up in there after his run in with the train. It started me wondering how much less modest he might be now, if I happened to get into the tub with him. Mostly I wanted to look at him, run my hands over his skin and honestly, I just wanted to enjoy him for a while. To be totally naked and have my way with him, it was a thought that constantly ran through my mind these days. 

As if he’d read my mind, Bucky stepped out of the shower and into the room as he wrapped a towel around himself. He was wet. Water ran freely down his chest in little rivulets and his hair was stringy with dampness. His face had a light sheen of dew and the smell of his soap wafted around us. I stared, slack jawed at him and he smirked at me. If he knew anything, Bucky knew that I thought he was a damn fine looking man. 

“See something you like doll?”

“You know I do.” I croaked, eyes fixed on his towel in a very unsubtle way. He chuckled and stepped towards me.

“Is there something on my towel?”

“No, but it’s definitely blocking my view.” I said slowly, as he knelt beside me and took the book from my hands. 

“Really? What are you trying to see?” He asked, his voice lowered into that sexy register that I had come to know so well since we’d been together. I looked up at him and licked my lips as I grabbed the towel and ripped it off his waist. I threw it across the room and looked at him. I stared at his cock and his thighs, his abs and that wonderful line of muscles that ran along his the top of his thigh and up over his hips like a v. I reached out and trailed my fingers through the hair that was dusted there. I looked up as he sharply inhaled, he had his bottom lip sucked in between his teeth and his eyes blazed at me.

“Is this ok?” I asked, suddenly worried I might’ve. pushed him beyond his comfort zone. He let his lip go and nodded as he licked his lips. I tickled my fingers across his skin and along his thighs and watched as his muscles jumped and trembled. I delighted in the sight of his cock as it hardened and yet he stayed perfectly still. I loved that. He reacted with little sounds and breaths as I used little strokes and breaths and teased him to full attention. He moved when I did. I got off the bed and we stood there for a moment before I put my hands on his forearms and turned us both, so that we switched places. Then I pushed him backwards, onto his back on the bed. I splayed his legs out so that I was fully between them and took his cock in my hand as I swirled my tongue over the tip. I tasted his precum and made him tremble. He watched me, a huge smile on his face. He moaned when I slid him into my mouth and groaned as I rubbed along his shaft with my hands. I made sure that every inch of him was covered by my hands or mouth.

“Angel,” Bucky moaned and his hips moved which lifted his cock up into my hands and mouth. He wanted me like I wanted him. I reveled in the smell and sight of him. He panted and whined as I licked and sucked along the veins that stood out along his shaft. He jerked when I nipped and licked hard at the sensitive spot under the head of his cock and then I kitten licked the swollen head before I took him deep into my mouth and groaned to set him on fire. I hummed, because I knew the vibrations helped as I stroked the base of his cock and balls. I fondled and pressed along his perineum for good measure. He swore loudly as I sucked and moved my tongue around his cock. I drooled and pulled back with suction before sliding back down with pressure. He arched and gasped as I kept doing that with my mouth. I alternated rubbing his balls with pressing his perineum, to deepen his pleasure. His hands grasped the sheets hard as I worked and his skin flushed as his muscles worked. I could tell he had gotten close to coming.

I tickled the insides of his thighs and moved my mouth and tongue faster on him. He grunted and whined and arched up as he came hard. I swallowed and kept my mouth on him while my hands played over his abdomen. As he relaxed I moved my mouth from his softening cock and licked my lips. He was covered in a fine sheen of sweat now, his breath ragged and his skin pink. I took his hand from the sheet and kissed it tenderly as I massaged it. I figured it might be stiff from the grip he’d had on the sheets. I took his metal hand next and repeated the action. His breathing slowed and he relaxed across the mattress in a puddle of handsomeness. I crawled over him and kissed him, his eyes were closed but his hands came up and effortlessly slid under my robe and along my skin, as he pulled me down to him and held me tightly. He opened his mouth and deepened our kiss with a sigh, he ran his hands up and down my back raising goose bumps and shooting shivers through me.

“Angel,” he whispered, “You’re far too good to me. That was unbelievable. Truly. Your mouth is extraordinary.”

“What can I say? I’ve wanted to do that for weeks. Watching you today just made the desire harder to resist.”

“You never have to resist that on my account.”

“I didn’t want to push you James. We agreed to take things slow, but I’ve missed this. Skin on skin, the heat, the sweat. You smell so good all the time and it drives me wild.”

“Angel,” He said seriously as he cradled and tilted my head until his eyes were locked on mine, “You don’t have to worry about rushing me. I missed this as much as you, maybe more cuz I was stuck in the notion that we should slow down. I am, in too many ways, an old fashioned thinker. I wanted you to know that I respected you even after we were together. That sex ain’t all I want from you. I felt if we stopped it would make our time together better. I’m not sure I was wrong but I am sure it was making me a horribly frustrated man.” he blushed while he admitted this to me and I smiled.

“James, we can do whatever we want. We get to make the rules here, no one else. If you want to go slow we’d make it work. Of course I may attack you from time to time but I’d have to hope you can forgive me.”

“I’d be insane not to forgive you, especially since I’d attack you as well and need your forgiveness.” He purred as he rolled us over and settled between my legs. 

He kissed me deeply and with such passion that I felt the gentle ache of need in my body explode into an urgency I hadn’t felt before. He moved down slowly as he trailed kisses and bites along my skin as he went lower. Within minutes he had settled between my legs. He kissed and nipped my thighs, he tickled me with the stubble along his jaw. He splayed my legs out and did his absolute best to tease me before he groaned and latched onto my clit with his lips. He used his tongue on me in wicked ways as he turned his attentions into a kiss. He drew his fingers over my lower lips and slowly pushed them inside me. The combination of his mouth and fingers had me arching off the bed.

Bucky moved his metal arm to my stomach, to hold me down and maintained his access to my sensitive spots. He knew what he was doing with me. I could see his dazzling eyes, so blue as they sparkled in the lamp light while he watched me to gauge my reactions. Every pant, moan, sigh and curse gave him new information and he was more than willing to put it all to good use. I swore that he was unlocking my bodies’ secrets before I was even aware that they existed. He continued to kiss, suck, lick and press my clit as his digits worked my pussy and brought me to the edge of my control. I wanted to come but something kept that dam from breaking. I moved against him desperate for release as he did things that sent me blissfully into the stratosphere. And then he chuckled and the vibrations from that shattered what ever had kept me in check and I came hard. I spasmed and called his name as my orgasm rocketed through me. He chuckled and waited until I settled down before he kissed his way back up to my lips.

“You are wonderful, beautiful, fabulous, incredible, gorgeous, unbelievable, a dream come true and you are mine. Mine!” Bucky growled into the kiss. He pulled me tight to him and kissed me deeply. As it went on the kiss became more tender. Bucky wouldn't let me go, he held me close and when we settled in to sleep he kept whispering ‘mine’.


End file.
